Journal Entries of a California Dreamer

[The following is my annotated summary of yet another fantastic trip to California.]

My business contact in San Francisco, prolific game designer Chris DeLeon, was so kind as to host my stay for the annual Game Developer's Conference. I used my time there to grow my knowledge of and exposure to the gaming industry. More information about that trip can be found on my other blog for Game Design and Development. Though the weather was a bit chillier than I anticipated, I found San Francisco to be a pleasant change from freezing Ithaca (still below 32 degrees!). The city itself was also quite fascinating. Aside from unceasing GDC action, I managed to force my tired body out into the town. One night I went to a bar that was gaming-themed for the evening; everybody was dancing to 8bit (video game) music while wearing masks shaped like the enemies from the Space Invader game. There were even kids playing Street Fighter 4 in the corner; only during GDC could I find this kind of place! The evening before I left San Fran, I went with Chris and his roommate John Nesky to a wedding reception at the Exploratorium. I drunkenly regressed from exploring the exhibits to blowing giant bubbles for over an hour. Awesome.

On Sunday, I took a Greyhound bus to Los Angeles. I passed the time on the long bus ride with some reading and chatting with a cute asian girl about Japan, the Japanese, and their pet penguins. I stayed with Frieda for most of the week, and we grew much closer to each other. Throughout the week I went along with her to various middle-eastern themed activities; she took me to the Levantine Cultural Center, a screening for the film Niloofar (a coming-of age story), and a performance of Salam Shalom: Enemies... Another Love Story (a Palestinian/Israeli gay love story). Oh, and there was the gay night club. When I wasn't dancing with Frieda or getting sleepy on the sidelines, I'd be repeatedly dance-raped by one of our gay possee. He liked to ask me “Are you gay?” and when I would respond, “No,” he quickly corrected me, “I'm gonna make you gay,” and kept dancing. Awkwardly hilarious!

The week ended with a long-anticipated Jamfest at Neil's house. Uncle Mike and Franchesca were not able to make it, but Tia, Adam, Neil and I rocked out for Aunt Camille and her guest. There was an amazing synchronicity this evening! We attempted to write a song, which I titled Merritime Fair because of the sound and feel of it. The song was never finished, but when we on a quick walk to pick up a couple of pizzas, we spotted a sign for a local business with the word “Meritime,” in the title. Neat, huh? The end result of the booze and drug-infused jamboree was a ridiculous recording and the unfortunately-necessary purging of dinner.

After spending two soul-gratifying weeks in California, I've finally broken through areas in my life that had previously been walled off. My professional life is now booming with activity, and my time with Frieda helped me relax and open up my heart. Though we had to be realistic and choose to go our separate ways, I'm confident in my ability to make a good relationship work when I get out of college and start to settle into my career.

Man Lessons

I was recently made aware of a highly informative website for men. No, I don't mean to find porn or camping supplies. The articles and topics of discussion inspire deep reflection and action for men who want to practice the Art of Manliness.

I encourage anyone who wants some food for thought to examine this website and form a conception of today's ideal modern man. Is that even something people aspire to become anymore? Nobody is perfect, but any man can attempt to behave as civil, intelligent type of fellow. I feel the content of this site tries to challenge the normal man of today to be conscious of their image as a man in this world, and to inspire him to be as great as his will can make him. Lofty? Yes, but achievable.

Since I've been sick, I've tried to challenge myself to become well. It was like a back and forth game with my body, trying to find out what the next step was in getting well. It was like a multiple choice test.
-Bedrest and still not well? What do you do?
-You are now taking medication and fluids, but no changes. What now?
-Correct, a doctor's visit and prescription drugs should do the trick.

I haven't spent much time blogging, cuz of trying to make these games happen. I need to step up working on them even more.. aye I want this semester to end so I can start a real life gaming job and move to California. Getting ahead of myself? Yup!

At the same time, there is still a lot to do here at Ithaca before the semester is over. I'm getting the same sense of this place as I got at C.B. West when it was close to graduation. I find myself stopping and looking at buildings, realizing that I've spent so long at this place and this would all soon be a non-Now memory. I feel slightly jaded, in that I won't miss the weather here. But the experiences I had here also seemed like time-wasters in that I followed a dream that wasn't mine. Still, those experiences made me into the psych-minded ninja game designer I am now.

I Pause, and Reflect on My Road

As I wait in the airport for my flight to California, I reflect on the past year of memories. I traveled to and lived in Japan, I climbed Mt. Fuji, my friend Eric Gotwols passed on from this life, and I made substantial steps (networking with industry professionals and increasing knowledge/skills) toward becoming a Game Designer.

A lot has happened to transform the way I approach my daily walk, as well as the long term journey ahead. I continue to practice a mindful-approach to daily life, finding respite in the moment and peace in my infinite inhalation/exhalation. Though difficult, it is always better to pursue authentic happiness and leave fear and worry behind. I'm sure it is this type of energetic vibration that attracts me to positive situations and people, making life the continual breeze that my wings easily catch.

I continue to discover and practice new ways of improving myself, through martial arts, positive affirmations (a.k.a. Mind re-training), and intuition training. I also continue my online research of 'hidden news' concerning alternate perceptions of reality, the looming time/events of 2012, and the possibility of contact with human extraterrestrials (projectcamelot.org and divinecosmos.com). There's a lot going on, and I can feel time speeding up. Life seems to be a lot more harmonious; I keep seeing 11:11 (or similar times of repeated digits) and my heart whispers to me that life is simply a flowing river. Don't fight the current, be humble and follow it to my next destination.

California will be an awesome vacation. I can't wait to visit all my family and share stories of Japan, this semester at school, and funny ideas/creations of my imaginative mind. I feel like this trip will give me the opportunity to express myself in a new way, and to receive some new experiences as well. I will spending a three days at a hostel on Venice Beach, and then my options are quite open. I wonder where the river will run?

I recognize there is still much to prune on my life tree. I've got a few bad habits I'd like to see wither and die rather than me needing to pluck and watch grow back later. Those who know me best could probably guess what these things are, but I don't think I'll bring them up to anyone unless they become unruly... or if they continue long enough! I hope that by focusing my energy into nurturing my strengths, these 'personality weeds' will dry up from lack of attention.

The holidays are in full swing, it makes me think about the human family. With mixed feelings I look around this airport and see a race of species both united and divided. I wonder about the human condition and ask the universe if people will ever tame their own suffering, so they more effectively assist in helping others.

Christmas has got me thinking; this whole Jesus story about repenting from sin to escape judgement seems too masculine and 'old hat' for me. During last night's sermon, I kept wanting to hear about the power of Christ to unite his flock, that we are all precious children of the Cosmos, ANYTHING that could make us feel positively charged with the intention to turn to our fellow man, extend an open palm, and say “Brother, it's great to be here on Earth with you right now.” Instead, I could only feel a collective sigh of relief; “Whew, good thing that Jesus-guy died so long ago, or else we'd all be screwed.”

I hope the next generations of religion-followers will break free from the mental constraints that their theology chains them with. I pray that they will be able to recognize and respect their own power and creativity enough to escape the indoctrination of the Church like I did; but still I know that each person has the Free Will to will make their own choices about God and the Nature of Life. I guess I just want to see the confused and afraid people of this planet be able to walk about with heads held high, hearts healed and open to one another, and minds craving the mystery of life.

Winter Updates, get your Winter Updates here!

Soooo, it's been a while since I've had steady, up-to-date posts on this blog. Quite a lot has happened since I returned from Japan, the lovable island-country that I now miss dearly. I'm actually on winter break right now, enjoying time off in snow-covered Doylestown before I fly out to California. I look forward to 2 weeks of sun, family, and In-N-Out Burger (seriously, it's the best freakin burger you will ever have).

This past semester, I continued to work closer towards finishing my custom-made undergrad degree, Games and Society. In addition to making a video game, drawing/painting, and writing poems/short stories, I took some more 'philosopical' classes about Society, Technology, Religion, and Virtual Worlds. While on winter break, I plan to construct my own independent study to make video games and distribute them on the internet, get feedback, and modify the prototypes. I'm on my way to becoming a great Game Designer... horay for chasing my dreams!

Arnold and I have gotten more serious about training. We've moved into western martial arts, and are studying fencing and longsword combat. Also, we've been meeting at the gym 3-4 mornings a week to do weight training, cardio, and ab workouts. Gotta get these bodies into peak fighting condition!

And of course, it wouldn't be college if I didn't meet some new friends, hook up with a few girls, and take a psychadelic journey. Quite a busy semester, but ah, what great times! Next semester will be my last, and I've already got plans for snowboarding, seeking internships in the computer gaming industry, going to GDC in San Francisco, and taking my motorcycle for romps through the woods. I can't wait to graduate, but there's still much to do!

Though we plan out much of our lives out, there are still so many questions and uncertainties to face. We ask ourselves: "Where will I be in 6 months? A year? Will I make steps closer to fulfilling my purpose? Am I satisfied with my path, my relationships, my career, my life?" I try to face these unknowns with a light heart, humor, and persistance.

What about this 2012 stuff? I've been researching this issue for about 3 years, finding all sorts of interpretations of what will happen during/after this time. I believe humanity is in for some interesting times ahead, and we're all about to get rocked with new discoveries. I can't help but question what the future holds: what kinds of realities will we create for ourselves and others? how will people change and evolve through the alchemy of time? what do extra-terrestrial species look/act like, and what hidden knowledge/skills do they have? Keep your eyes and ears open, brothers and sisters!

Be sure to check out these other Blogs of mine:

Integral Gamer- where I write reviews about video games, through the philosophical lenses of psychology, sociology, and games (as systems of play).

Fist of Fury- an outlet for my primal obsession with survival skills, as I continue to learn more about martial arts, weapons, and preparations for the Zombie apocalypse (maybe?).


The Future of this Blog- I want to practice my narrative writing skills by chronicling my ongoing adventures in Ithaca/wherever I am. I also want to share my evolving spirituality/emotionality/mentality/worldview, with open-mindedness towards changing perspectives on life. That's what blogs are for, yeah?



Final Words:
As contrived as the Christmas/Holiday season is, I think that a glance beyond the glitz, gifts, and repetitive 50's songs can reveal something more meaningful. Whatever you get out of the winter holidays, I hope we all can remember that authentic happiness is available 24/7/365.

Part 5: Energetic Descent

It was finally time get off of the mountain, and I have to say, going down is MUCH easier than climbing up! I was almost running down the mountain, my spirit enlivened by the constantly beautiful view of the valley as well as the iTunes music I forgot I had brought with me. and NO, the music didn't take away from the natural scenery. It actually gave me the needed psychological boost to enhance my physical performance, especially in my worn-down state.

I quickly skipped and slid down the path, passing the slower travelers with care and stopping occasionally to empty the rocks from my shoes. Around an hour into the descent, I struck up a conversation with a group of japanese young adults. They were around 24 years old, and they came from the city. One of them offered me a CalorieMate (energy bar), and I gladly received the morning snack. I spoke briefly with him about martial arts and studying Kendo. Under the instruction of his father, this guy studied kendo for several years. Quite the person to meet on the steep slopes of Fuji!

After the brief five hour descent, it was finally time rest. I met up with the rest of my group at 5th station lodge. Julia had almost reached the top but turned back at the last minute! The others had all just finished their descent a few hours before I returned. We enjoyed the stillness of our bodies over conversation and lunch.

Before long, we walked from the cabin and took a 30 minute bus ride to the bottom of the mountain. I reflected on my journey, appreciating the whole experience. In my respite of the cushy bus seat, my statistics for the past day ran through my mind as after completing a level in a video game.

Total play time: 29.5 hours
Total Time ...
Uphill ascent – Walking: 14 hours
Uphill ascent – Bussing: 0 hours
Downhill descent – Walking: 5 hours
Downhill descent – Bussing: .5 hours
Sleeping time: 5 hours
Resting time: 5 hours

Climb a mountain: Accomplished.

Part 4: Face Death with a Grin

Exhaustion finally began to set in. My body was aching all over; my knees were locking up, by arms were tired from using the walking stick, and my lungs burned. However, as I stopped to rest, I began to shiver. The intense mountain winds permeated my light windbreaker jacket and over-cooled my sweaty torso. I had to keep moving now, in order to generate enough heat to stay warm. I knew I was getting into a desperate spot, but I had no choice but to continue at breakneck speed, passing everyone in front of me, breathing with varying emphasis in the different parts of my lungs, and resting when absolutely necessary.

As I reached 8th station I knew I was done. I needed to stop somewhere or death would take me. I knew that each station had a lodge, where you could pay a large fee (about $50-80 dollars) to rest for a few hours to a day. I had no money on me, but at this point I was fighting for survival.

I entered the lodge, expecting to be questioned or spoken to by someone managing the lodge. When nobody came to see me, I decided it was time to play in nonchalant. I took off my shoes and rested by the door for a moment, then headed into the bungalow. Rows upon rows of sleeping bags lined the floors and loft. I found a secluded corner, took off my sweaty shirt to dry it, and passed out in seconds.

When I came to a few hours later, I saw two japanese men sitting across the way from me. They were glancing at me and speaking to each other. “Uh oh,” I thought, “The jig is up.” Soon, an operator of the lodge came to me with a chart that showed names and prices. At first I couldn't understand, but it slowly dawned on me that he was asking if I had already paid. In my broken Japanese, I responded that I had no money. His reply was, “Get Out.” As I prepared my things to leave, I told him that I only came in because I thought I was going to die. He told me “Still bad, get out.” Well, business is business, I suppose.

With renewed energy and a dry shirt, I endured till the 9th station. The summit was finally within view, but it was still quite a distance away. With maybe another hour of climbing to go and the exhaustion affecting my psyche, I had a difficult decision to make. I could turn back after all this way, scurry back to the 5th station, and get the much needed rest that my body craved... Or I could finish this battle once and for all, reach the summit, and look back on this pivotal moment in my life with pride. A fire of conviction rose up from within me, and with unshakable determination I set off for the summit.

At 9:15AM, 21 hours after I left the restaurant near the train station, I had reached the summit of Mt. Fuji. Finally I had my Moment of Glory... but it only lasted for that one second. I immediately wanted to get the hell off of this cold, windy, barren mountain. But I did stop to savor the view and eat my bento lunch, which I had saved for when I reached this point. As I was about to depart, I saw climbers taking pictures by an obelisk that had the japanese writing signifying it was the summit. I needed to have this accomplishment captured in film, so I asked a random japanese climber, in japanese of course, if he could take my picture. He excitedly agreed and I positioned myself for the shot. If you look it up on Facebook, you can see in my face that I was exhausted, cold, and a little grumpy. However, I finally did it! I achieved the impossible, and in less than a day!



I'm almost finished, the last installment will be called:
Part 5: Energetic Descent

Part 3: Test of a Man's Will

I woke a few hours later; my body was stiff, I could feel every muscle burning with resistance. I checked my cellphone to discover it was 1:30am. Everyone else had left to climb to the top at around 11pm, and there were a few backpackers heading out at this moment. I knew that if I couldn't get up now, I would not be able to make it to the top of the mountain later.

In the dead of night, I gathered my clothes, a bottle of water, and a bento lunch box. My ascent would be made without the backpack I began the trip with; I would leave that at the lodge and come back for it later. Only wearing sweatpants, a long sleeved shirt, and a windbreaker jacket, I started up the trail. Stay light, I thought, and get up that mountain quickly.

It was a clear night, and the stars and moon provided enough light for me to navigate the steep mountain trail. I reached 6th Station without much trouble, and decided to take a rest. I thought I could see the top, looming beyond the few stations that broke up the trial. These small lodges stood out as both beacons of reassurance and clusters of light that mentally anchored me to the goal ahead.

As I rested, I began a conversation with a japanese couple. They looked well prepared for the assent, wearing heavily packed climbing backpacks and wearing layers of clothing that covered everything but their faces. I told them the story of my climb thus far, and the male climber looked impressed. He offered me food and water to help me finish the climb. I gratefully took the extra food and carried it in a plastic bag, my only extra weight for the climb. I glanced toward the summit and figured that it would only take a few more hours of uphill battling until I would stand on the top of the mountain, which seemed to be near.

I was very, very wrong. The trek to 7th Station was noticeably steeper; each step on the gravel path was unsteady, and I would slide backwards a few centimeters as small rocks shifted under my weight. I now relied on my walking stick as a third leg, driving it firmly into the uncertain ground with every few steps. It was more difficult to breathe as well, from both the increased workout on the dramatic incline, as well as the high altitude's noticeable changes in pressure, oxygen content, and temperature. Oh, and about seeing the top: that was an illusion. The mountain's steepness made it seem that the peak was “just around the corner.”

Despite these challenges, the sunrise provided a profound respite. I halted my ascent to rest and take in the majestic view. My panoramic view was once in a lifetime; below me the blanket of green forest tucked in to the mountain's barren soil. Clouds rested like pillows above the forest, connecting the higher planes of sky to the upper peaks of nearby mountains. In the valley, foreign buildings and lights peppered the natural landscape. The clear lake glistened under the warm, intoxicating sunlight, and so too did the distant, sheer blue sea shimmer in the sunlight. For that moment, I felt as if I had forgotten the toiling that we mere mortals endure. My climb up this mountain felt more than a literal ascension, it were as if I could now view the world with the opened eyes of an indigenous Ancient.



Coming soon... Part 4: Face Death with a Grin